Time: 00:00 - 00:15
Topic: Saddam sentencing
Guest: Scott Hiedler, Fox News
Summary: Kirby chats with a Fox News "Correspondent" about the upcoming sentencing of Saddam in Iraq, learning that the Iraqi people are more interested in not being killed than the outcome of Saddam's trial (shocking!).
Time: 00:15 - 00:30
Topic: [this space intentionally left blank]
Summary: Evidently short on real (and interesting topics), Kirby spends 10 minutes chatting aimlessly with news chick Carleen Johnson:
- Kirby is feeling under the weather
- Where are flu shots this year?
- Kirby is a tough guy and won't take a flu shot until he gets old
Time: 00:30 - 00:45
Topic: Fear
Guest: E.D. Hill, Fox News
Summary: Continuing his role as leader of the local promotions department for Fox News, Kirby talks to host E.D. Hill about her upcoming scare special that exposes the threat of islamocommunifascism. They preach against us! They hate us! They are more dangerous than the Nazis! Be very afraid! LIsteners who don't wet their pants with every Fox News scare say: zzzzzzz....
Time: 00:50 - 01:00
Topic: Negative Ads
Summary: Kirby takes a few minutes to fret over all of the mean mailings he's gotten about his favorite Republicans. It's really below the belt stuff like highlighting their contributions to the swift boating campaign, their environmental records, and even pictures of them with Karl Rove. It must really suck to be a Republican when Democrats decide to actually fight back.
Time: 01:00 - 01:15
Topic: Seattle toilets
Summary: Kirby discusses the crime sprees that take place in Seattle's automated toilets, issuing an I-told-you-so and promoting his 1983 decision to move to the suburbs (prescient!).
Time: 01:15 - 01:40
Topic: Election sorrows
Summary: Kirby sounds negative about the potential outcome of next Tuesday's congressional elections, fretting about the dangerous world we'll inhabit if Democrats do indeed win. A caller also raises the issue of all the bad people that will take over congressional committees such as John Conyers and Alcee Hastings. I'm sure it's a coincidence that they're all black.
Time: 01:40 - 02:00
Topic: WMD
Summary: Kirby displays his difficulty with logic and reading comprehension in a discussion of the New York Times story detailing how Bush and his cheerleaders gave away nuclear bomb instructions on the internet. In Kirby's view, the Iraq war is once again completely justified because the Iraqis had 12 year old documents on nuclear bombs, and because in 1991 they were about a year away from having one.
Time: 02:00 - 02:30
Topic: Election issues
Summary: Kirby asks listeners what their top issues are for the upcoming election. As expected, the dominant issue for Republican voters is fear, with taxes and the gays vying for second place.
Time: 02:30 - 03:00
Topic: Fox promopalooza
Guest: Chris Wallace, Fox News
Summary: If it's a Friday at 7:30am, it must be time for Chris Wallace to come on and promo his weekend gab show. zzzz....
Time: 03:00 - 03:15
Topic: John Murtha's Opponent
Guest: Diana Irey
Summary: Kirby (in Seattle, WA) gives some time and money to John Murtha's opponent (in Western PA), because of his "insults to the troops" and plans to withdraw from Iraq. zzzz....
Time: 03:15 - 03:30
Topic: Republican Radio
Guest: Ann Marie
Summary: Kirby continues the friday promo-pallooza with a preview of Republican Radio (is there any other kind?). One of this week's exciting features: a celebration at the Reagan library! zzzzz....
Time: 03:30 - 03:45
Topic: Election
Guest: Mary Matalin
Summary: Kirby chats with Mary Matalin about the upcoming election, with Mary predicting Republicans retain control of congress.
Time: 03:45 - 04:00
Topic: I-933
Guest: Dan Wood, Farm Bureau
Summary: The leader of the Washington State farm bureau just happens to call in for the last segment of the show to promote their I-can-do-anything-I-want-with-my-property initiative. I wonder if the I-933 opponents will get a similar opportunity...